Let me not the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments be
For Love is not love
That alters when alteration finds….
This lovely Shakespearean Sonnet beautifully captures what true love means. Marriage is often like that. It is a union of two minds and souls whose paths have entwined and are destined to hold true to each other through thick and thin.
Falling in love with someone and dating them is easier as opposed to living with them 24×7. This includes bearing with their idiosyncrasies and lowest lows. There are days and sometimes even weeks where you feel you have got off from the wrong side of the bed and no matter what you do, you cannot turn the tables. One of the most important roles of a spouse, husband or wife, is to lift each other up; especially when things are going downhill.
“It’s only words and words are all he has …”
Here is how you can be there for your loved one and live your marriage vows of living through thick and thin. Loving your Spouse through their tough times is the best support you can give them when the sun is not smiling at them:
- 1. Be all ears: For your partner sometimes “It’s only words and words are all he has …” When your spouse see things going downhill the best thing you can do to help them is to listen and give him undivided attention. Most of the time there is nothing you could do much to fix a problem. But for your partner simply venting it and pouring his heart out to you is so therapeutic. Good listening involves your undivided attention, showing positive body language and involving using monosyllables in the affirmation and not thinking about what you are going to say. Even if you do not say anything in the entire conversation, it doesn’t matter if in your mind and soul you were a part of the conversation.
- 2. Stay Calm and be empathetic: Your partner is going through hell and worse. He or she may be battling a dangerous disease, might have lost source of livelihood or might have lost a loved one. Unfortunately, you might have to be at the receiving end of your spouse’s anger, which is often displaced. It is scary to watch your loved ones suffer but you being calm and grounded will provide them with an anchor. We know it’s unfair to have you bear the brunt of their problems but sometimes that is the best thing to do.
- 3. Try to cheer them up: You may not have to necessarily give them a gift or any form of entertainment when they are down in the dumps. Fun and outings are not everyone’s way of finding solace. See what works best for your partner. Take them out for a walk or begin doing something together in common. Call friends or relatives over if they like their company and comfortable meeting people. But remember that cheering up is a temporary fix and not a permanent or a therapeutic cure for your spouse.
We are not asking you to play the martyr. But Standing tall and strong yourself will help your partner to get on their feet. But make sure you press the panic button when you really have to and call for help from a professional or close family members.
